Someone I’m With Has Autism, by Carrie Cariello & Jordan Capell, eBook 2015; with < My Thoughts > by Sara Luker
Excerpts from the book (7% indicates location in the Kindle version of the book, instead of page numbers).
Excerpts from the book –
7% One big development stands out above the others: the kids know about Jack’s autism. And Jack knows about Jack’s autism. In some ways this has redefined the dynamics of our family.
We love autism. But Jack? As you’ll read, he’s not as impressed with autism as the rest of us are.
8% Jack himself is just learning about his own diagnosis, a discovery that has been both painful and astonishing to him.
“Oh no!” Jack shrieked from where he was standing at the kitchen sink. I rushed over and saw one of Joe’s dark blue mugs, now missing its curved handle, broken when Jack had tried to rinse the hot chocolate out of it.
“I broke it, I broke it, I BROKE IT! I broke Daddy’s mug,” he yelled, holding his hands on his ears.
I didn’t know what all of the fuss was about. We have something like nine hundred and ten of these cobalt blue mugs, each emblazoned with the name of Joe’s dental practice, and frankly I’d like to break a few more so I’d have an excuse to by the white ones I’ve been eyeing at Pottery Barn.
9% I promised that his father would absolutely not be upset, then tried to soothe him by pointing to the rest of our mugs in the cabinet – and on the counter (and in the garage).
“But he LOVES them all!” he whimpered.
I couldn’t console him. He cried off and on all afternoon, calming down just long enough to announce, “But tomorrow. Tomorrow I have art.”
< My Thoughts > “He cried off and on all afternoon…”
When cereal boxes are empty, or something gets broken, our Sonny is inconsolable. He seems to have no reference to 'future' events, such as buying more cereal at the store, or fixing a broken object. It took a long time to console him when a favorite video ended, showing him that he could reload it back in the TV to show again. With Sonny it is not so much an emotional event as a sense of loss. Sort of a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) event.
9% The following afternoon he flew off the bus with a package wrapped in tissue paper.
“The mug!” he cried. “It’s here!”
Once in the kitchen he set it down carefully and unwrapped it with some ceremony.
“First it was for you. Now it is for Daddy.”
Together we all clustered around and admired the lumpy blue-green mug.
“Nice job, Jack,” Joey said. “It looks like a bowl!” Henry offered. “Jackie, you worked hard on this! Daddy will love it!” Rose chimed in.
“Where? Where does Dad get his coffee mug in the morning? From the cabinet or the counter?” he asked.
“Um,” I said, trying to remember Joe’s morning coffee habits. “Well, I think the cabinet, Jack-a-boo. Why?”
“That is where I will put this one. To surprise him. In the morning.”
For no reason at all I felt a lump in my throat. I didn’t know why. Kids the world over present their parents with homemade gifts – ornaments and candle holders and picture frames – sometimes for birthdays or holidays, and sometimes just because.
So why did this misshapen little cup affect me so much? Why did I walk over to the cabinet and open the door and stand staring at it once I was alone in my darkened kitchen? I think this is why.
< My Thoughts > "I think this is why."
As a parent and a Special Education Teacher, when a child with autism makes a small step towards independent problem solving, it is a very big occasion. As parents and teachers we all celebrate and remember those 'small steps' as 'huge events'.
10% At this point one of Jack’s biggest issues is theory of mind, or the concept that other people have thoughts, ideas, or opinions that are different from his.
Let’s say, for example, that Jack really, really, really loves hot chocolate. He thinks and talks a lot about hot chocolate: which brand is his favorite, the best marshmallows to layer on the top, how you should always add a few ice cubes before you drink it so it will cool off.
And then one afternoon you casually remark that you don’t really care for hot chocolate, that you had it once when you were a little girl and it burned your mouth and you’ve never really liked it since.
Right away young Jack’s brain begins to short-circuit in a way that suggests his head may explode. He starts to jump and stim and chant things like, “How can you not like hot chocolate I love hot chocolate hot chocolate hot chocolate I can’t believe you don’t like hot chocolate HOT CHOCOLATE!”
This can go on for hours. And if his own head does not, in fact, explode – if it stays firmly attached to his neck in one round piece – he will do everything in his power to make sure yours explodes instead.
But with this mug Jack’s rigid mind opened just a crack. He ‘theory-ed’, if you will, enough to realize that Joe might be sad to come home and find one of his mugs broken.
< My Thoughts > “He ‘theory-ed’..."
“He ‘theory-ed’, if you will, enough to realize that Joe might be sad to come home and find one of his mugs broken.” ‘Theory of Mind’ is thinking that everyone is having the same ‘sensory/emotional experience’ that you are. “…everyone sees and feels and likes the same things that you do.” Autistic children find it difficult (if not impossible) to understand the emotions, intentions, and behaviors of other people, so they are said to lack “theory of mind”.
Note: More about Theory of Mind (ToM), go to MENU for – Know Autism, Know Your Child with < My Thoughts > by Sara Luker. Read on this website under – UNIT 3 What Is Most Concerning? CHAPTER 3 – Cognition, Theory of Mind, & Temperament/Personality, APPENDIX B Theory of Mind (ToM).
10% Right alongside Jack’s theory of mind is his cognitive flexibility, his mental ability to adjust thinking or attention in response to changing goals or environmental stimulus.
This is really just a fancy way of saying he doesn’t switch gears very easily.
< My Thoughts > “…cognitive flexibility…”
Most children with autism have problems with 'cognitive flexibility'. Most are 'literal thinkers'. For instance if you look outside to see a torrential downpour and exclaim that it is 'raining cats and dogs', your 'literal thinker' expects to see cats and dogs falling from the sky. Idiomatic expressions are lost on 'literal thinkers'.
According to Bogdashina, O., & Casanova, M. (2016), deficits in planning, organizing and monitoring progress towards a goal often prevents one from taking a flexible approach to problem-solving. “Poor Executive Function can easily account for the lack of thinking flexibility and explains the rigidity of thinking exhibited by autistic people, including starting and finishing tasks which include all of the above.”
< My Thoughts > "...lack of thinking flexibility..."
Other professionals say that there are cases which seem to indicate that in some individuals with autism there is a trajectory of understanding across their lifespan. And, that a person with ASD, as they gain more experiences, can overcome a lack of cognitive flexibility.
Lee, S. B., Song, S. H., et al. (2015) let us know that in this study, adolescents with Asperger syndrome and Autism Spectrum Disorder indicate that deficits in nonverbal social communication, and exhibit literal interpretation of utterances. This they found was due to their more pragmatic language skills and difficulty with understanding symbolic / idiomatic phrases and expressions.
< My Thoughts > “…symbolic / idiomatic phrases and expressions.”
Helen Bull, Specialist Advisor for Social & Communication Difficulties for Bromley Education Services, says our English language is full of idiomatic phrases and inferential language which, when literally translated, has little or no related meaning.
11% But with this mug, he adjusted, obviously the class had been working on the project for some time because pottery is not formed and baked and glazed in a single day. And when the handle came off his father’s blue mug, Jack switched his gears to replace the broken one.
I’ve often thought that Jack does not appear to experience a full range of emotions in the same way you or I might. His spectrum disorder seems to prohibit his emotional pendulum from swinging widely across a landscape of feelings that often include shame and humility and empathy and amusement.
But with this mug the pendulum swung a little wider. After the initial shock of having broken his dad’s mug, he cycled a new set of emotions: sorrow, regret, and (to some degree) grief.
< My Thoughts > “…the pendulum swung a little wider.”
Children with autism may fail formal ‘theory of mind’ tests, but show real-time understanding of another’s perspective.
Lee, S. B., Song, S. H., et al. (2015) let us know that in this study, adolescents with Asperger syndrome and Autism Spectrum Disorder indicate that deficits in nonverbal social communication, and exhibit literal interpretation of utterances. This they found was due to their more pragmatic language skills and difficulty with understanding symbolic / idiomatic phrases and expressions.
< My Thoughts > “…symbolic / idiomatic phrases and expressions.”
Helen Bull, Specialist Advisor for Social & Communication Difficulties for Bromley Education Services, says our English language is full of idiomatic phrases and inferential language which, when literally translated, has little or no related meaning.
Bogdashina, O.( 2011) believes that having a new experience gives perception a new and different emphasis. Like the same handful of sand that is formed into different patterns. She says that we learn how to restructure experiences in order to reflect what is needed from us in the environment. New interpretations give us many different perspectives of reality compared to the ‘bubble’ formed around us so we perceive only the reflection of our own world view. Such as autistic individuals tend to do.
11% And then excitement, anticipation, glee – my normally transparent son kept a secret and surprised his father. Maybe – just maybe – this is a starting point for Jack, a chance for him to understand that other people prefer hot cider to hot chocolate and feel the uncomfortable feeling of regret and keep giggly childhood secrets.
With this mug, I hope.
< My Thoughts > “…kept a secret and surprised his father.”
To many with autism, the concept of keeping a secret or providing a surprise is just much too overwhelming.
Jordan, R., Powell, S., et al. (1995) tell us that “…some children with autism are more able to come to an understanding of the rules of social and emotional life without full understanding the underlying emotions involved.” The exception to this is an emotion like ‘surprise’, when someone is experiencing an unexpected event. The authors speculate that perhaps this is because ‘surprise’ shows facial expression or body movements which may not match or be typical to what the autistic person knows and understands.
When Jack exhibits the ability to keep a secret and surprise his father, he not only is managing the demands of several emotions at once, plus problem-solving, but he is anticipating enjoying a future event. This is HUGE!
Winner, M. G. (2023), Speech pathologist, developed an approach for her students with high-functioning autism to become social thinkers. These are social thinking strategies which need to be learned before the anticipated social interaction. They involve the thinking we do about people, which affects how we behave and then how people respond to us, which then affects our own emotions.
She refers to the ‘hidden curriculum’ of unstated and unofficial behaviors, values, and rules that are ‘assumed knowledge’. Rules of behavior that people generally learn by osmosis. Expectations about how to act. Messages about social etiquette. These need to be taught to individuals with autism.
Sicile-Kira, C. (2014) claims, “We experience pure joy in every milestone our children meet. I’ll never forget the first Christmas that my daughter was interested in opening gifts, the first time she blew out candles on her birthday cake, or the first time she really hugged me back.”
41% It was Sunday morning in late September – the day after my birthday. I was fuzzily turning pancakes on the griddle while Jack perched at the counter flicking the top to the syrup open and closed and open and closed.
I was just about to tell him to stop doing that, it’s gross to put your hands all over the lid when he asked, “Why was I born with autism?”
“Well Jack, it’s a part of you, just like your eyes are blue and you have big feet.”
“Do all people with blue eyes have it?”
“No, it’s not really about your eyes. It’s like how you learn things.”
And then, in rapid fire, these questions:
“Do grown-ups have it?”
“Who else has it?”
“Where did I get it?”
42% How do I tell my nine-year-old that I love his autism but I also hate it and it’s beautiful but sometimes it’s so very, very ugly?
How do I tell him there are days I literally want to pull my hair out by the handfuls or, better yet, light my eyelashes on fire and run into the street screaming…
Or how anxiety – a sneaky sidekick to his Autism Spectrum Disorder – came in one February like a thief in the night, threatening to steal his joy, his happiness, the very smile on his face?
And how the teeny-tiny white pill he swallows before bed keeps the thief at bay, keeps the occasional giggle in his voice?
How his father and I are constantly concentrating on the brown-hair boy beneath the diagnosis?
How we can’t imagine him without it, without the beauty and wonder and color it adds to our world and our family?
That Sunday night I knelt next to his bed and whispered something like this:
Jack, your autism is great. It is not something to be embarrassed about or that you should want to change about yourself. I love it. I mean, we all love it. It’s so interesting the way you see the world. I can’t wait to know more about it from you. I love you no matter what, I hope you know that.
But we weren’t done yet.
Two weeks later we were having dinner at Shorty’s, our local Mexican restaurant. Our meals had just arrived and in the midst of napkins and salsa and tipping cups, a robotic voice:
“I don’t want this autism anymore. I don’t want it in me.”
I didn’t know what to say when his younger brother Joey, with a mouthful of burrito said, “Jack, I think you’re better with it.”
“Yeah,” Jack said thoughtfully, his mouth full of corn dog, “maybe.”
And behind the thick lenses of his glasses I glimpsed the smallest spark in his blue eyes.
That night I knelt next to Jack’s bed once again and whispered to my sleeping boy:
“You are better with it.” I thought for a second more, and whispered:
“We are better with it.”
< My Thoughts > “You are better with it.”
Along the way, Jack had somehow learned empathy for others and had gained the perception that his dad valued his possessions and would be upset to find that one of his mugs was broken.
And, somehow he knew that besides using them for his morning coffee, Joe gave those mugs as gifts to his patients. Understanding the concept of a valued possession, as well as the concept of giving a gift shows high-function reasoning on Jack’s part.
References:
Bogdashina, O., & Casanova, M. (2016). Sensory Perceptual Issues in Autism & Asperger Syndrome; 2nd Edition, eBook.
Bogdashina, O.( 2011). Autism and the Edges of the Known World: Sensitivities, Language & Constructed Reality; eBook.
Jordan, R., Powell, S., et al. (1995). Understanding & Teaching Children with Autism; eBook.
Lee, S. B., Song, S. H., et al. (2015). Idiom Comprehension Deficits in High-Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder Using a Korean Autism Social Language Task. Retrieved online from – Yonsei Medical Journal; Sept 25;56 (6):1613-1618.
Sicile-Kira, C. (2014). Autism Spectrum Disorder (revised): The Complete Guide to Understanding Autism; New York, New York: Penguin Random House Company.
Excerpts from the book (7% indicates location in the Kindle version of the book, instead of page numbers).
Excerpts from the book –
7% One big development stands out above the others: the kids know about Jack’s autism. And Jack knows about Jack’s autism. In some ways this has redefined the dynamics of our family.
We love autism. But Jack? As you’ll read, he’s not as impressed with autism as the rest of us are.
8% Jack himself is just learning about his own diagnosis, a discovery that has been both painful and astonishing to him.
“Oh no!” Jack shrieked from where he was standing at the kitchen sink. I rushed over and saw one of Joe’s dark blue mugs, now missing its curved handle, broken when Jack had tried to rinse the hot chocolate out of it.
“I broke it, I broke it, I BROKE IT! I broke Daddy’s mug,” he yelled, holding his hands on his ears.
I didn’t know what all of the fuss was about. We have something like nine hundred and ten of these cobalt blue mugs, each emblazoned with the name of Joe’s dental practice, and frankly I’d like to break a few more so I’d have an excuse to by the white ones I’ve been eyeing at Pottery Barn.
9% I promised that his father would absolutely not be upset, then tried to soothe him by pointing to the rest of our mugs in the cabinet – and on the counter (and in the garage).
“But he LOVES them all!” he whimpered.
I couldn’t console him. He cried off and on all afternoon, calming down just long enough to announce, “But tomorrow. Tomorrow I have art.”
< My Thoughts > “He cried off and on all afternoon…”
When cereal boxes are empty, or something gets broken, our Sonny is inconsolable. He seems to have no reference to 'future' events, such as buying more cereal at the store, or fixing a broken object. It took a long time to console him when a favorite video ended, showing him that he could reload it back in the TV to show again. With Sonny it is not so much an emotional event as a sense of loss. Sort of a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) event.
9% The following afternoon he flew off the bus with a package wrapped in tissue paper.
“The mug!” he cried. “It’s here!”
Once in the kitchen he set it down carefully and unwrapped it with some ceremony.
“First it was for you. Now it is for Daddy.”
Together we all clustered around and admired the lumpy blue-green mug.
“Nice job, Jack,” Joey said. “It looks like a bowl!” Henry offered. “Jackie, you worked hard on this! Daddy will love it!” Rose chimed in.
“Where? Where does Dad get his coffee mug in the morning? From the cabinet or the counter?” he asked.
“Um,” I said, trying to remember Joe’s morning coffee habits. “Well, I think the cabinet, Jack-a-boo. Why?”
“That is where I will put this one. To surprise him. In the morning.”
For no reason at all I felt a lump in my throat. I didn’t know why. Kids the world over present their parents with homemade gifts – ornaments and candle holders and picture frames – sometimes for birthdays or holidays, and sometimes just because.
So why did this misshapen little cup affect me so much? Why did I walk over to the cabinet and open the door and stand staring at it once I was alone in my darkened kitchen? I think this is why.
< My Thoughts > "I think this is why."
As a parent and a Special Education Teacher, when a child with autism makes a small step towards independent problem solving, it is a very big occasion. As parents and teachers we all celebrate and remember those 'small steps' as 'huge events'.
10% At this point one of Jack’s biggest issues is theory of mind, or the concept that other people have thoughts, ideas, or opinions that are different from his.
Let’s say, for example, that Jack really, really, really loves hot chocolate. He thinks and talks a lot about hot chocolate: which brand is his favorite, the best marshmallows to layer on the top, how you should always add a few ice cubes before you drink it so it will cool off.
And then one afternoon you casually remark that you don’t really care for hot chocolate, that you had it once when you were a little girl and it burned your mouth and you’ve never really liked it since.
Right away young Jack’s brain begins to short-circuit in a way that suggests his head may explode. He starts to jump and stim and chant things like, “How can you not like hot chocolate I love hot chocolate hot chocolate hot chocolate I can’t believe you don’t like hot chocolate HOT CHOCOLATE!”
This can go on for hours. And if his own head does not, in fact, explode – if it stays firmly attached to his neck in one round piece – he will do everything in his power to make sure yours explodes instead.
But with this mug Jack’s rigid mind opened just a crack. He ‘theory-ed’, if you will, enough to realize that Joe might be sad to come home and find one of his mugs broken.
< My Thoughts > “He ‘theory-ed’..."
“He ‘theory-ed’, if you will, enough to realize that Joe might be sad to come home and find one of his mugs broken.” ‘Theory of Mind’ is thinking that everyone is having the same ‘sensory/emotional experience’ that you are. “…everyone sees and feels and likes the same things that you do.” Autistic children find it difficult (if not impossible) to understand the emotions, intentions, and behaviors of other people, so they are said to lack “theory of mind”.
Note: More about Theory of Mind (ToM), go to MENU for – Know Autism, Know Your Child with < My Thoughts > by Sara Luker. Read on this website under – UNIT 3 What Is Most Concerning? CHAPTER 3 – Cognition, Theory of Mind, & Temperament/Personality, APPENDIX B Theory of Mind (ToM).
10% Right alongside Jack’s theory of mind is his cognitive flexibility, his mental ability to adjust thinking or attention in response to changing goals or environmental stimulus.
This is really just a fancy way of saying he doesn’t switch gears very easily.
< My Thoughts > “…cognitive flexibility…”
Most children with autism have problems with 'cognitive flexibility'. Most are 'literal thinkers'. For instance if you look outside to see a torrential downpour and exclaim that it is 'raining cats and dogs', your 'literal thinker' expects to see cats and dogs falling from the sky. Idiomatic expressions are lost on 'literal thinkers'.
According to Bogdashina, O., & Casanova, M. (2016), deficits in planning, organizing and monitoring progress towards a goal often prevents one from taking a flexible approach to problem-solving. “Poor Executive Function can easily account for the lack of thinking flexibility and explains the rigidity of thinking exhibited by autistic people, including starting and finishing tasks which include all of the above.”
< My Thoughts > "...lack of thinking flexibility..."
Other professionals say that there are cases which seem to indicate that in some individuals with autism there is a trajectory of understanding across their lifespan. And, that a person with ASD, as they gain more experiences, can overcome a lack of cognitive flexibility.
Lee, S. B., Song, S. H., et al. (2015) let us know that in this study, adolescents with Asperger syndrome and Autism Spectrum Disorder indicate that deficits in nonverbal social communication, and exhibit literal interpretation of utterances. This they found was due to their more pragmatic language skills and difficulty with understanding symbolic / idiomatic phrases and expressions.
< My Thoughts > “…symbolic / idiomatic phrases and expressions.”
Helen Bull, Specialist Advisor for Social & Communication Difficulties for Bromley Education Services, says our English language is full of idiomatic phrases and inferential language which, when literally translated, has little or no related meaning.
11% But with this mug, he adjusted, obviously the class had been working on the project for some time because pottery is not formed and baked and glazed in a single day. And when the handle came off his father’s blue mug, Jack switched his gears to replace the broken one.
I’ve often thought that Jack does not appear to experience a full range of emotions in the same way you or I might. His spectrum disorder seems to prohibit his emotional pendulum from swinging widely across a landscape of feelings that often include shame and humility and empathy and amusement.
But with this mug the pendulum swung a little wider. After the initial shock of having broken his dad’s mug, he cycled a new set of emotions: sorrow, regret, and (to some degree) grief.
< My Thoughts > “…the pendulum swung a little wider.”
Children with autism may fail formal ‘theory of mind’ tests, but show real-time understanding of another’s perspective.
Lee, S. B., Song, S. H., et al. (2015) let us know that in this study, adolescents with Asperger syndrome and Autism Spectrum Disorder indicate that deficits in nonverbal social communication, and exhibit literal interpretation of utterances. This they found was due to their more pragmatic language skills and difficulty with understanding symbolic / idiomatic phrases and expressions.
< My Thoughts > “…symbolic / idiomatic phrases and expressions.”
Helen Bull, Specialist Advisor for Social & Communication Difficulties for Bromley Education Services, says our English language is full of idiomatic phrases and inferential language which, when literally translated, has little or no related meaning.
Bogdashina, O.( 2011) believes that having a new experience gives perception a new and different emphasis. Like the same handful of sand that is formed into different patterns. She says that we learn how to restructure experiences in order to reflect what is needed from us in the environment. New interpretations give us many different perspectives of reality compared to the ‘bubble’ formed around us so we perceive only the reflection of our own world view. Such as autistic individuals tend to do.
11% And then excitement, anticipation, glee – my normally transparent son kept a secret and surprised his father. Maybe – just maybe – this is a starting point for Jack, a chance for him to understand that other people prefer hot cider to hot chocolate and feel the uncomfortable feeling of regret and keep giggly childhood secrets.
With this mug, I hope.
< My Thoughts > “…kept a secret and surprised his father.”
To many with autism, the concept of keeping a secret or providing a surprise is just much too overwhelming.
Jordan, R., Powell, S., et al. (1995) tell us that “…some children with autism are more able to come to an understanding of the rules of social and emotional life without full understanding the underlying emotions involved.” The exception to this is an emotion like ‘surprise’, when someone is experiencing an unexpected event. The authors speculate that perhaps this is because ‘surprise’ shows facial expression or body movements which may not match or be typical to what the autistic person knows and understands.
When Jack exhibits the ability to keep a secret and surprise his father, he not only is managing the demands of several emotions at once, plus problem-solving, but he is anticipating enjoying a future event. This is HUGE!
Winner, M. G. (2023), Speech pathologist, developed an approach for her students with high-functioning autism to become social thinkers. These are social thinking strategies which need to be learned before the anticipated social interaction. They involve the thinking we do about people, which affects how we behave and then how people respond to us, which then affects our own emotions.
She refers to the ‘hidden curriculum’ of unstated and unofficial behaviors, values, and rules that are ‘assumed knowledge’. Rules of behavior that people generally learn by osmosis. Expectations about how to act. Messages about social etiquette. These need to be taught to individuals with autism.
Sicile-Kira, C. (2014) claims, “We experience pure joy in every milestone our children meet. I’ll never forget the first Christmas that my daughter was interested in opening gifts, the first time she blew out candles on her birthday cake, or the first time she really hugged me back.”
41% It was Sunday morning in late September – the day after my birthday. I was fuzzily turning pancakes on the griddle while Jack perched at the counter flicking the top to the syrup open and closed and open and closed.
I was just about to tell him to stop doing that, it’s gross to put your hands all over the lid when he asked, “Why was I born with autism?”
“Well Jack, it’s a part of you, just like your eyes are blue and you have big feet.”
“Do all people with blue eyes have it?”
“No, it’s not really about your eyes. It’s like how you learn things.”
And then, in rapid fire, these questions:
“Do grown-ups have it?”
“Who else has it?”
“Where did I get it?”
42% How do I tell my nine-year-old that I love his autism but I also hate it and it’s beautiful but sometimes it’s so very, very ugly?
How do I tell him there are days I literally want to pull my hair out by the handfuls or, better yet, light my eyelashes on fire and run into the street screaming…
Or how anxiety – a sneaky sidekick to his Autism Spectrum Disorder – came in one February like a thief in the night, threatening to steal his joy, his happiness, the very smile on his face?
And how the teeny-tiny white pill he swallows before bed keeps the thief at bay, keeps the occasional giggle in his voice?
How his father and I are constantly concentrating on the brown-hair boy beneath the diagnosis?
How we can’t imagine him without it, without the beauty and wonder and color it adds to our world and our family?
That Sunday night I knelt next to his bed and whispered something like this:
Jack, your autism is great. It is not something to be embarrassed about or that you should want to change about yourself. I love it. I mean, we all love it. It’s so interesting the way you see the world. I can’t wait to know more about it from you. I love you no matter what, I hope you know that.
But we weren’t done yet.
Two weeks later we were having dinner at Shorty’s, our local Mexican restaurant. Our meals had just arrived and in the midst of napkins and salsa and tipping cups, a robotic voice:
“I don’t want this autism anymore. I don’t want it in me.”
I didn’t know what to say when his younger brother Joey, with a mouthful of burrito said, “Jack, I think you’re better with it.”
“Yeah,” Jack said thoughtfully, his mouth full of corn dog, “maybe.”
And behind the thick lenses of his glasses I glimpsed the smallest spark in his blue eyes.
That night I knelt next to Jack’s bed once again and whispered to my sleeping boy:
“You are better with it.” I thought for a second more, and whispered:
“We are better with it.”
< My Thoughts > “You are better with it.”
Along the way, Jack had somehow learned empathy for others and had gained the perception that his dad valued his possessions and would be upset to find that one of his mugs was broken.
And, somehow he knew that besides using them for his morning coffee, Joe gave those mugs as gifts to his patients. Understanding the concept of a valued possession, as well as the concept of giving a gift shows high-function reasoning on Jack’s part.
References:
Bogdashina, O., & Casanova, M. (2016). Sensory Perceptual Issues in Autism & Asperger Syndrome; 2nd Edition, eBook.
Bogdashina, O.( 2011). Autism and the Edges of the Known World: Sensitivities, Language & Constructed Reality; eBook.
Jordan, R., Powell, S., et al. (1995). Understanding & Teaching Children with Autism; eBook.
Lee, S. B., Song, S. H., et al. (2015). Idiom Comprehension Deficits in High-Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder Using a Korean Autism Social Language Task. Retrieved online from – Yonsei Medical Journal; Sept 25;56 (6):1613-1618.
Sicile-Kira, C. (2014). Autism Spectrum Disorder (revised): The Complete Guide to Understanding Autism; New York, New York: Penguin Random House Company.
