Hello, My Name is Max and I Have Autism by Max Miller (2014). Extended Book Review with < My Thoughts > by Sara Luker
Excerpts from the book – (13% indicates location in the Kindle version of the book, instead of page numbers).
Excerpts from Forward by Rebecca Miller, aka Max's Mom,
with < My Thoughts> by Sara Luker –
13% Hello. I’m Max’s mom. I want to thank you for purchasing his book and sharing it with others. My twelve-year-old son Max came up with the idea of sharing his story in order to help other kids who are on the autism spectrum.
This book is the result of an art show that Max put together. His drawings and essays were displayed, primarily to educate people on how different his experience is compared to kids who are “neurotypical.” His art show was very well-received and he wanted to take his message to a larger audience. The result is this book.
< My Thoughts > “The result is this book.”
When you purchase your copy of Max’s book, you will be delighted to read all the words beyond my excerpts and to see his wonderful drawings. Max’s mom also has more to say at the end of their book. Enjoy!
38% Max is a high-functioning autistic and was non-verbal until the age of six. He has been subject of segregation and prejudice since he was quite young. Max was denied educational and social opportunities due to his diagnosis.
After several rejections, we finally found an autism program. The interventions worked. Max is now in a regular classroom with his peers but still feels separate. He is aware of his autism but considers it a label versus a definition.
< My Thoughts > “…label versus a definition.”
Intervention works, and inclusion works, but often a high-functioning child still feels ‘separate’. Autism is just part of who Max is. He is autism, and much, much more. And, know that school 'labeling' can be removed when the child graduates.
39% His art reflects his view of his identity. He is able to be his own person and defy his labeling. He is not just an autistic. He is an 11 year old boy, a blend of his entire family and his life experiences.
As Max says, “I am not autism. I am ME.”
End of excerpts from Forward by Rebecca Miller.
Excerpts from Max’s book, with < My Thoughts, by Sara Luker >
42% There is a theory that my autism was caused by my getting these shots. That’s not true. God made me autistic. The shots didn’t make me autistic.
44% God sat there and asked the angels who should have autism and they chose me. The angels said I should have autism so I can make a difference in this world.
I am doing this through my drawing and writing. I want to explain how autistic kids might feel in ordinary situations.
You can’t see in my head. I’m lucky because I can talk but the words get stuck. Drawing helps me get the words out.
< My Thoughts > “the words get stuck”
When Max says the words get stuck… takes me back to what a neurologist first told us about Sonny. "It’s difficult to know just how much he really understands or is capable of learning. So, your job is finding a way to get as much information “in” and as much information “out” as you can,” she suggested.
Aside from the fact that Sonny is non-verbal, and we were told he probably would never learn anything worthwhile. Teaching him seemed like a daunting task. Although the part of his brain dealing with language has never developed, he has communicated with primitive ‘signing’, and by dragging us to what he wants. Or, by using his eyes to stare at objects he wants, or to indicate directions he wants us to go in. Over the years, we have found that he is capable of learning and functioning to a higher level than anyone would have first guessed. I think it is because he feels safe and loved.
45% I want to be a voice for every single child who has autism and who cannot speak. The kids who can’t speak are just like me. We are not like everyone else.
We can’t see other people’s feelings or do well in school or pay attention. Just because we can’t be like everyone else doesn’t mean we don’t matter. We do matter.
All we need is a little compassion.
48% When I learned about how I have autism, I cried while I was in the shower. I wished the autism would die.
49% My mom heard me and she handed me the art set that my Uncle Dean gave me for my birthday. She told me to draw about what it is like to have autism. The drawing helped me feel better.
< My Thoughts > “...drawing helped me feel better.”
Constantly looking for opportunities for children to express themselves in ways that society can embrace is a goal of many parents and teachers. Drawing filled a need for Max, for some it’s making and hearing music. For others, it is having a pet. It is up to us to help fill that special need.
50% My parents love me as I am. I guess that is good because the autism isn’t going anywhere. Sometimes I wish I was normal but I was picked by the angels. I remember the angels. When I was born, I looked up and I thought I saw one but it was my mom.
< My Thoughts > “...but it was my mom.”
Doesn’t this speak volumes about autism, angels, and moms?
52% The classroom is really hard for someone like me. (The book shows a drawing titled, The Classroom.)
Red waves are coming after me while I sit at my desk. This represents how I interact with other people and distractions.
One of the waves might be a classmate going against me or saying something mean to me. Another wave is the assignment but kids are distracting me and I miss the instructions.
53% My anger bubbles up. This is the blue – my frustration with the drama in my classroom. I have to read and write and listen all at the same time.
The black is my brain core. It’s really dark. When I am in a good mood, it’s white and green but when I get upset, it turns black.
I feel upset sometimes in the classroom. My stomach hurts and I want to go home. I feel overwhelmed and small. I just want to shrink down and vanish.
I sit by myself because I don’t want to be near anyone. My friends might think I’m claustrophobic but I’m just irritated when I have to be around others, especially when I have to concentrate.
< My Thoughts > "...I don’t want to be near anyone.”
A high-functioning child still seems to feel 'separate' and it also often means that he has to 'separate' himself in order to continue ‘be’ high-functioning. Sometimes, the environmental input just overwhelms one's sensory system.
57% Sometimes I feel frustrated when I get an assignment but I have no idea what it is about.
Since I have autism, I get pulled out of my class for tutoring and therapies. As a result, I miss the instruction. So I get my assignments when I get back and have no clue what to do.
< My Thoughts > “...I get pulled out of my class...”
As a special education teacher and part of a team whose members include the child’s tutors, specialists, and therapists, I try to prevent having students pulled from core classes. This is just one of the 'problems' which needs to be overcome when 'Inclusion' with the general population is part of the student's Individualized Education Program (IEP).
58% It drives me crazy and I get really frustrated.
I hate getting frustrated because it feels like I am hurting someone’s feelings. I don’t want to hurt anyone. That is never my wish.
Sometimes I just need to walk away.
< My Thoughts > “...I just need to walk away.”
Many students need to have the opportunity to signal that they need a break. The same goes for the teacher/tutor/therapist. Stress and frustration are our enemies, I think. As a parent and teacher, at time, we need to try taking time to refocus, regroup, and then try again to give ‘it’ your best shot. If taking a break doesn’t work then there’s always tomorrow. Just because ‘it’ is on ‘our’ agenda, doesn’t necessarily make ‘it’ something the student thinks he/she needs or wants to do this minute. That may mean ‘it’ will never happen, but it could mean that it’s just not happening right now.
61% My brain is symbolized in my drawing by the following: the buildings on the sides and the front is my brain. The bridge provides a way for the people and the cars to cross. It connects one side of my brain to the other. (The book shows a drawing titled, I Need A Break.)
When the traffic gets too congested or there are too many people, they fall into the valley of garbage. The traffic appears when I have to think too much or have too many thoughts all at once.
70% Some things make me happier than others. First, I like it when I’m not in school. Like Winter Break or Spring Break. I can stay home and play video games or draw. (The book shows a drawing titled, Happy Land.)
Root beer makes me happy. There are cats in the drawing because I love all of my cats. I care for every single animal except for big dogs that bite me. I don’t like that.
Video games make me happy, especially Little Big Planet.
72% You see, kids with autism can feel joy. We can also love. We are not always frustrated or angry or not feeling anything. We are just as joyful as the next person. We just have different ways of showing it.
Sometimes our happiness can appear as obsessive and when our things that make us happy disappear, like when I broke my controller on my PS3, boy, was I upset. Luckily, my grandmother gave my mom a gift card for Christmas and my mom replaced it. Whew!
< My Thoughts > “…our happiness can appear as obsessive…”
This can be a huge problem. Sonny’s best loved books are so mangled that they are hardly recognizable and sometimes they fall apart altogether. This is sure to bring on an incident where Sonny falls apart too.
This may go back to the period of time when he couldn’t stand to see his drinking cup become empty or see a milk carton become empty and get thrown away.
I have searched and searched for replacements for his worn and torn books, which when finding, them can get quite expensive because they are no longer in print. Finally, I have learned to buy 2 books, keeping one hidden for that special moment. But when I give it to him, he may reject it completely because the new book looks, smells, and feels nothing like the old one does.
73% When you have autism, you collect things or hoard things. You have a notebook and write things down.
It is very important to me to have my Magic Cards in their separate piles. When I was little, I needed my cars lined up and my dog, Buggy, so I could sleep. I need order in my disordered world.
< My Thoughts > “I need order in my disordered world.”
This is another upsetting situation for Sonny. When we moved to a smaller home there was no longer room to display all of his Hot Wheels cars on walls and doors. Now they have to be in Hot Wheels carry cases with tight closing covers. While it gives order to his collection, it becomes very upsetting for him when he has a certain car on his mind and has to have our help to frantically search for it through all of the many closed cases.
73% It may seem weird to you, but it makes me happy.
< My Thoughts > “It may seem weird to you, but it makes me happy.”
The same at our house. It may seem weird to us, but whatever makes Sonny happy (within reason, that is).
76% There is a drink called root beer. I like the taste, the texture and the core of a root beer float. The best way is in a frosty mug! I prefer this drink as it makes me feel better and it’s delicious. I know I’m not the only person who likes drinks like these.
See, we aren’t so different after all!
< My Thoughts > “I know I’m not the only person...”
Sonny still stares at the empty building where we used to go for root beer. A victim of the times, it’s closed and looks pretty forlorn. But I just know that when Sonny still sees the bustling café where we had fried clams and root beer. In his frustration that we don’t stop, he stares, makes noises and bangs his head against the window as we drive by. How to make him understand that only the building remains… but, not the root beer and fried clams. We stop at the grocery store and buy root beer and fried clams to microwave. He looks at me confused, but is willing to humor me.
77% My family has my back. So I’m lucky. I have my dad who wants me to do well in school and go to college. My mom encourages my art and music. My grandparents have always believed in me and I have friends, teachers, and lots of aunts and uncles who cheer me on.
79% My parents are the best. They didn’t give up on me, even when they were told by doctors that there wasn’t any hope.
My mom said that she saw light in my eyes. She knew I was there. I know what she is talking about. I see it too, in the other kids. By that, I mean the kids like me.
It’s hard. I know, to be around kids like me. But please, give us a chance. Don’t give up! And to kids like me, just be yourself. That is what makes YOU!!!
80% You are AWESOME. We are awesome!
Your friend,
Max
< My Thoughts > “You are AWESOME.”
You are AWESOME, Max…and Mom is too!
End of excerpts from Max Miller's book
Excerpts from the book – (13% indicates location in the Kindle version of the book, instead of page numbers).
Excerpts from Forward by Rebecca Miller, aka Max's Mom,
with < My Thoughts> by Sara Luker –
13% Hello. I’m Max’s mom. I want to thank you for purchasing his book and sharing it with others. My twelve-year-old son Max came up with the idea of sharing his story in order to help other kids who are on the autism spectrum.
This book is the result of an art show that Max put together. His drawings and essays were displayed, primarily to educate people on how different his experience is compared to kids who are “neurotypical.” His art show was very well-received and he wanted to take his message to a larger audience. The result is this book.
< My Thoughts > “The result is this book.”
When you purchase your copy of Max’s book, you will be delighted to read all the words beyond my excerpts and to see his wonderful drawings. Max’s mom also has more to say at the end of their book. Enjoy!
38% Max is a high-functioning autistic and was non-verbal until the age of six. He has been subject of segregation and prejudice since he was quite young. Max was denied educational and social opportunities due to his diagnosis.
After several rejections, we finally found an autism program. The interventions worked. Max is now in a regular classroom with his peers but still feels separate. He is aware of his autism but considers it a label versus a definition.
< My Thoughts > “…label versus a definition.”
Intervention works, and inclusion works, but often a high-functioning child still feels ‘separate’. Autism is just part of who Max is. He is autism, and much, much more. And, know that school 'labeling' can be removed when the child graduates.
39% His art reflects his view of his identity. He is able to be his own person and defy his labeling. He is not just an autistic. He is an 11 year old boy, a blend of his entire family and his life experiences.
As Max says, “I am not autism. I am ME.”
End of excerpts from Forward by Rebecca Miller.
Excerpts from Max’s book, with < My Thoughts, by Sara Luker >
42% There is a theory that my autism was caused by my getting these shots. That’s not true. God made me autistic. The shots didn’t make me autistic.
44% God sat there and asked the angels who should have autism and they chose me. The angels said I should have autism so I can make a difference in this world.
I am doing this through my drawing and writing. I want to explain how autistic kids might feel in ordinary situations.
You can’t see in my head. I’m lucky because I can talk but the words get stuck. Drawing helps me get the words out.
< My Thoughts > “the words get stuck”
When Max says the words get stuck… takes me back to what a neurologist first told us about Sonny. "It’s difficult to know just how much he really understands or is capable of learning. So, your job is finding a way to get as much information “in” and as much information “out” as you can,” she suggested.
Aside from the fact that Sonny is non-verbal, and we were told he probably would never learn anything worthwhile. Teaching him seemed like a daunting task. Although the part of his brain dealing with language has never developed, he has communicated with primitive ‘signing’, and by dragging us to what he wants. Or, by using his eyes to stare at objects he wants, or to indicate directions he wants us to go in. Over the years, we have found that he is capable of learning and functioning to a higher level than anyone would have first guessed. I think it is because he feels safe and loved.
45% I want to be a voice for every single child who has autism and who cannot speak. The kids who can’t speak are just like me. We are not like everyone else.
We can’t see other people’s feelings or do well in school or pay attention. Just because we can’t be like everyone else doesn’t mean we don’t matter. We do matter.
All we need is a little compassion.
48% When I learned about how I have autism, I cried while I was in the shower. I wished the autism would die.
49% My mom heard me and she handed me the art set that my Uncle Dean gave me for my birthday. She told me to draw about what it is like to have autism. The drawing helped me feel better.
< My Thoughts > “...drawing helped me feel better.”
Constantly looking for opportunities for children to express themselves in ways that society can embrace is a goal of many parents and teachers. Drawing filled a need for Max, for some it’s making and hearing music. For others, it is having a pet. It is up to us to help fill that special need.
50% My parents love me as I am. I guess that is good because the autism isn’t going anywhere. Sometimes I wish I was normal but I was picked by the angels. I remember the angels. When I was born, I looked up and I thought I saw one but it was my mom.
< My Thoughts > “...but it was my mom.”
Doesn’t this speak volumes about autism, angels, and moms?
52% The classroom is really hard for someone like me. (The book shows a drawing titled, The Classroom.)
Red waves are coming after me while I sit at my desk. This represents how I interact with other people and distractions.
One of the waves might be a classmate going against me or saying something mean to me. Another wave is the assignment but kids are distracting me and I miss the instructions.
53% My anger bubbles up. This is the blue – my frustration with the drama in my classroom. I have to read and write and listen all at the same time.
The black is my brain core. It’s really dark. When I am in a good mood, it’s white and green but when I get upset, it turns black.
I feel upset sometimes in the classroom. My stomach hurts and I want to go home. I feel overwhelmed and small. I just want to shrink down and vanish.
I sit by myself because I don’t want to be near anyone. My friends might think I’m claustrophobic but I’m just irritated when I have to be around others, especially when I have to concentrate.
< My Thoughts > "...I don’t want to be near anyone.”
A high-functioning child still seems to feel 'separate' and it also often means that he has to 'separate' himself in order to continue ‘be’ high-functioning. Sometimes, the environmental input just overwhelms one's sensory system.
57% Sometimes I feel frustrated when I get an assignment but I have no idea what it is about.
Since I have autism, I get pulled out of my class for tutoring and therapies. As a result, I miss the instruction. So I get my assignments when I get back and have no clue what to do.
< My Thoughts > “...I get pulled out of my class...”
As a special education teacher and part of a team whose members include the child’s tutors, specialists, and therapists, I try to prevent having students pulled from core classes. This is just one of the 'problems' which needs to be overcome when 'Inclusion' with the general population is part of the student's Individualized Education Program (IEP).
58% It drives me crazy and I get really frustrated.
I hate getting frustrated because it feels like I am hurting someone’s feelings. I don’t want to hurt anyone. That is never my wish.
Sometimes I just need to walk away.
< My Thoughts > “...I just need to walk away.”
Many students need to have the opportunity to signal that they need a break. The same goes for the teacher/tutor/therapist. Stress and frustration are our enemies, I think. As a parent and teacher, at time, we need to try taking time to refocus, regroup, and then try again to give ‘it’ your best shot. If taking a break doesn’t work then there’s always tomorrow. Just because ‘it’ is on ‘our’ agenda, doesn’t necessarily make ‘it’ something the student thinks he/she needs or wants to do this minute. That may mean ‘it’ will never happen, but it could mean that it’s just not happening right now.
61% My brain is symbolized in my drawing by the following: the buildings on the sides and the front is my brain. The bridge provides a way for the people and the cars to cross. It connects one side of my brain to the other. (The book shows a drawing titled, I Need A Break.)
When the traffic gets too congested or there are too many people, they fall into the valley of garbage. The traffic appears when I have to think too much or have too many thoughts all at once.
70% Some things make me happier than others. First, I like it when I’m not in school. Like Winter Break or Spring Break. I can stay home and play video games or draw. (The book shows a drawing titled, Happy Land.)
Root beer makes me happy. There are cats in the drawing because I love all of my cats. I care for every single animal except for big dogs that bite me. I don’t like that.
Video games make me happy, especially Little Big Planet.
72% You see, kids with autism can feel joy. We can also love. We are not always frustrated or angry or not feeling anything. We are just as joyful as the next person. We just have different ways of showing it.
Sometimes our happiness can appear as obsessive and when our things that make us happy disappear, like when I broke my controller on my PS3, boy, was I upset. Luckily, my grandmother gave my mom a gift card for Christmas and my mom replaced it. Whew!
< My Thoughts > “…our happiness can appear as obsessive…”
This can be a huge problem. Sonny’s best loved books are so mangled that they are hardly recognizable and sometimes they fall apart altogether. This is sure to bring on an incident where Sonny falls apart too.
This may go back to the period of time when he couldn’t stand to see his drinking cup become empty or see a milk carton become empty and get thrown away.
I have searched and searched for replacements for his worn and torn books, which when finding, them can get quite expensive because they are no longer in print. Finally, I have learned to buy 2 books, keeping one hidden for that special moment. But when I give it to him, he may reject it completely because the new book looks, smells, and feels nothing like the old one does.
73% When you have autism, you collect things or hoard things. You have a notebook and write things down.
It is very important to me to have my Magic Cards in their separate piles. When I was little, I needed my cars lined up and my dog, Buggy, so I could sleep. I need order in my disordered world.
< My Thoughts > “I need order in my disordered world.”
This is another upsetting situation for Sonny. When we moved to a smaller home there was no longer room to display all of his Hot Wheels cars on walls and doors. Now they have to be in Hot Wheels carry cases with tight closing covers. While it gives order to his collection, it becomes very upsetting for him when he has a certain car on his mind and has to have our help to frantically search for it through all of the many closed cases.
73% It may seem weird to you, but it makes me happy.
< My Thoughts > “It may seem weird to you, but it makes me happy.”
The same at our house. It may seem weird to us, but whatever makes Sonny happy (within reason, that is).
76% There is a drink called root beer. I like the taste, the texture and the core of a root beer float. The best way is in a frosty mug! I prefer this drink as it makes me feel better and it’s delicious. I know I’m not the only person who likes drinks like these.
See, we aren’t so different after all!
< My Thoughts > “I know I’m not the only person...”
Sonny still stares at the empty building where we used to go for root beer. A victim of the times, it’s closed and looks pretty forlorn. But I just know that when Sonny still sees the bustling café where we had fried clams and root beer. In his frustration that we don’t stop, he stares, makes noises and bangs his head against the window as we drive by. How to make him understand that only the building remains… but, not the root beer and fried clams. We stop at the grocery store and buy root beer and fried clams to microwave. He looks at me confused, but is willing to humor me.
77% My family has my back. So I’m lucky. I have my dad who wants me to do well in school and go to college. My mom encourages my art and music. My grandparents have always believed in me and I have friends, teachers, and lots of aunts and uncles who cheer me on.
79% My parents are the best. They didn’t give up on me, even when they were told by doctors that there wasn’t any hope.
My mom said that she saw light in my eyes. She knew I was there. I know what she is talking about. I see it too, in the other kids. By that, I mean the kids like me.
It’s hard. I know, to be around kids like me. But please, give us a chance. Don’t give up! And to kids like me, just be yourself. That is what makes YOU!!!
80% You are AWESOME. We are awesome!
Your friend,
Max
< My Thoughts > “You are AWESOME.”
You are AWESOME, Max…and Mom is too!
End of excerpts from Max Miller's book
