HAPPY FATHER’S DAY 2025
Many fathers have taken up the challenge of autism with great success. They feel a special bond with their autistic child and have even given up their career to become the child’s main caregiver.
Many fathers have taken up the challenge of autism with great success. They feel a special bond with their autistic child and have even given up their career to become the child’s main caregiver.
While other fathers of children with Autism may find that their parenting skills are not nearly as successful with their autistic child, as they had hoped.
There are some reasons fathers may feel unsuccessful, or even marginalized when it comes to parenting their child with autism.
Rafferty, D., Tidman, L., et al. (2020) report that fathers have more challenges parenting children with autism than neuro-typical children. Some of the difficulties found were getting past the fact that their child does not match-up with the pre-birth expectations. While some fathers are experiencing stress because the quality of the parenting of an autistic child does not equal that of parenting their neuro-typical children. Fathers in this study also found that co-parenting was more difficult after the ASD child’s diagnosis. As a result of this report, it was recommended that ASD fathers find local parent-focused programs to help them deal with their unique experiences.
< My Thoughts > “…unique experiences.”
The wide range, severity, and unique combination of symptoms make the autism in each child look different. Plus, a variety of interests, behaviors, learning, and communication styles can make each individual with autism have very divergent behaviors. Some persons with autism need very little support in most areas of their daily lives, while others need continual support in many, or all areas.
Rudelli, N., Straccia, C., et al. (2021) feel that fathers in their study needed to have family support to achieve their own perception of caregiving satisfaction. And fathers feeling a lack of support by others, said that those negative feelings added to their caregiving burden.
A lot of the father’s feelings depended upon the severity of their child’s challenging behavior and how these fathers were allowed to handle it. In this 2021 study’s Swiss culture, when co-parenting, mothers are considered the main caregiver ‘gatekeepers’ of their children’s discipline, education, and social activities. Thus, the strength of a father’s role in the co-parenting often determined his perception of his own self-efficacy and attitude towards parenting.
< My Thoughts > “…perception of his own self-efficacy…”
The degree of the father’s caregiving ‘burden’ in this study depended greatly on the perception of their ability to have a continually positive impact on their child’s well-being, motivation, and behavior. Also, it seems that 'fathers' often felt co-parenting was not handled equally between parents.
Fathers’ may seek to find online support groups with many organizations. One group is Association for Autism & Neurodiversity (AANE). For more information go to – https://www.aane.org/
Seeking support, by networking through social media for online and in-person parent support groups, can bring help to families of children with autism. Support can come from reaching out to others without autism in their life. For a brief time, each week, help can come from focusing on pursuit of one's favorite passion; or, by volunteering with friends in the community.
Note: For further information on ‘Support’ go to MENU – Know Autism, Know Your Child with < My Thoughts > by Sara Luker. Read under UNIT 6 – Where To Look for Resources? Chapter 1 Networking & Support APPENDIX A Autism Network (AANE).
Many fathers who have gone before you are here to help, support, and inform you. Check online for Father’s Groups in your area. Also, you will find the following book titles, in alphabetical order, written by an Autism 'Father' who shares his wisdom and triumphs in story form; on my website's Extended Book Reviews ~
101 Tips for the Parents of Boys with Autism (2015) by Ken Siri.
1,001 Tips for the Parents of Autistic Boys (2010)by Ken Siri.
It’s not your fault your child has autism. It never was…and it never will be. Parents of autistic children need to adopt the mentalities of both a researcher and a warrior. As both general and soldier in this fight, you must take ownership of all aspects of treatment, education, therapy, and organization as if preparing for battle. As a warrior, you will experience the stress that accompanies battle. Battling autism can leave one feeling devastated and alone. You will need help and support along the way.
< My Thoughts > “Battling autism…”
Fathers who find themselves 'battling' autism, also embrace the warrior role as their child’s provider, protector, and playmate. Stay the course and lead the way.
3500: An Autistic Boy’s Ten-Year Romance with Snow White (2013) by Ron Miles.
Ben’s first big vocal breakthrough was through was thanks to his love of Disney music. I would sing Disney to him constantly. We were out one day, sitting next to each other on a bench.
From his favorite song “Bare Necessities” I sang “Look for the…” and for some reason, I hesitated for a moment. I continued with “…necessities, forget about your worries…”
Out of the blue, Ben said “prsch.” Was he trying to say “bear?”
In his seven years, I had never heard him attempt to speak an actual word, but there it was. Oh my God, he was actually talking.
< My Thoughts > “…but there it was.”
A child with autism is full of surprises. There is a child beneath the autism. Even with years of motherhood and teaching, I can still be wonderfully surprised by breakthrough moments. Celebrate those moments!
A Real Boy: How Autism Shattered Our Lives & Made a Family from the Pieces (2011) by Christopher Stevens & Nicola Stevens.
David’s case was on hold. We’d dragged him through the diagnosis because the doctors agreed the best long-term hopes lay in ‘early intervention’; now the council was dodging its responsibility to help him.
At the end of the first term, I was driving David home from Music Space school when the nursery-rhyme tape ended. Before I could flick it over, a clear, high voice sang, “In the bad, bad lands of Australia!’
I called Nicky at the office. I’d just heard our son’s first words. Some little boys say Dada’ … David had launched into a music-hall number about a faulty boomerang.
< My Thoughts > “…a clear, high voice…”
It was always there, that clear, high voice. At the right moment, when the planets are aligned, you too will have that ‘first’ moment you’ve been waiting for.
Autism: Triplet Twist (2013) by James Potvin.
What is it really like living with triplets? Have you ever wanted to escape your life for a few minutes? What if you could escape to somewhere without leaving your own house? I needed to find a quick escape from the daily estrogen, drama and screaming. Where could I go?
I decided to use the unfinished space in the basement for my personal escape, exercise, comfort, and entertainment. A personally designed man cave of course!
< My Thoughts > “Where could I go?”
To your ‘man cave’, of course. This father created a safe haven for himself. A place to restore his strength. A personal space to regain, reflect, and respect himself. No girl triplets allowed.
Autism: Turning On the Light (2013) by Keith Ambersley.
I had so many of my own dreams all lined up and ready to go for my son. Fate has changed that. My gift to my son is to support his dream wherever it takes him. This is the only dream that counts.
Wherever his dream takes him, we are right there in his corner to support and encourage him on his journey, to enable him to pursue areas of interest not yet known to us.
We find ourselves helping each other in so many different ways. He helps me to think outside the box for creative solutions to help him navigate the basic fundamentals of communication and social behavior, which I have taken for granted all my life.
< My Thoughts > “…dream that counts.”
'His is the only dream that counts'. This father’s sacrifice of his own ‘dream’ child, to a child who becomes all he can be, shining in the light.
Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time (2003) by Mark Haddon.
They asked me if I had any family. I said I did. They asked me who my family was. I said it was Father.
Next month I’m going to take my A-level in Maths and I’m going to get an A grade. After I’ve taken A-level Maths I am going to take A-level Further Maths and Physics and then I can go to university.
Then when I’ve got a degree in Maths, I will be able to get a job and earn lots of money and I will be able to pay someone who can look after me and cook my meals and wash my clothes, or I will get a lady to marry me and be my wife and she can look after me so I can have company and not be on my own.
< My Thoughts > “…not be on my own.”
Christopher was not on his own. He was with his 'Father'. His father looked after him, cooked his meals, washed his clothes, and was his whole family.
Secondhand Autism (2013) by Paul Brodie.
I hate autism because, in my limited perspective, it seems to prevent Scott from having and experiencing things that I think he should get to have; things that I have experienced and am grateful for.
Eye contact can be rare or empty with autistic children. Sometimes it was just him telling me he was frustrated or angry. Other times it was much more spiritual and I felt like he was searching my soul with his gaze. I always felt like I had a special connection with Scott, more than by other siblings.
< My Thoughts > “…I have experienced and am grateful for.”
Those moments, however fleeting when he felt like Scott was searching, reaching out from his world into his brother Paul’s. Precious times when that connection is so strong, unforgettable, and worth a thousand moments of fear and regret. Paul, because of autism, became a ‘father figure’ to his sibling Scott.
The Horse Boy (2009) & The Long Ride Home (2015) by Rupert Isaacson.
April 2004 my son, Rowan, was diagnosed with autism. The feeling was like being hit across the face with a baseball bat.
Grief, shame – this weird, irrational shame, as if I had somehow cursed this child by giving him my faulty genes, condemned him to a lifetime of living as an alien because of me.
…Of watching, horrified, as he began to drift away to another place, separated from me as if by thick glass, or the see-through barrier of dream.
Years later, standing in the front field with Betsy saddled and ready for us to go on our daily ride together. “Ride Betsy by myself!” Today Rowan wanted to ride by himself right away. He had never asked for this before. “Okay,” I said nervously, casting an eye around the small
pasture. It had been like this since we’d got back from Africa. He was more adventurous, trying new things. He was just more ‘awake’ somehow.
< My Thoughts > “…more ‘awake’ somehow…”
For a moment, you may think it is your imagination. You have waited so long that you are afraid to believe what you are seeing or hearing. The years of love and devotion have not been in vain. It may not be June, but this is your Father’s Day.
REFERENCES:
Rafferty, D., Tidman, L., et al. (2020). Parenting experiences of fathers of children with autism spectrum disorder; with or without intellectual disability. Journal of Intellectual Disability Research; Vol. 64(6), pgs. 463-474.
Rudelli, N., Straccia, C., et al. (2021). Fathers of children with autism spectrum disorder: Their perceptions of paternal role a predictor of caregiving satisfaction, self-efficacy & burden. Research In Autism Spectrum Disorder, Vol. 83.
End of excerpts from Extended Reviews. Go to website MENU to find full Extended Reviews.
Fathers, please take time to KNOW AUTISM, KNOW YOUR CHILD with < My Thoughts > by Sara Luker, a FREE ASD website supplemental text written to help parents, educators, and clinicians see the child, student, and patient beyond the autism.
Thank you so much for sharing, commenting, and 'liking' on Facebook!
Regards,
Sara Luker
DISCLAIMER Know Autism – Know Your Child: with < My Thoughts > by Sara Luker
Just to let you know that I, Sara Hayden Luker, have put forth my best efforts in presenting what I have learned about autism, by sharing the stories and studies of those who have gone before us. Any author’s mention of products, services, treatments, and interventions or actions are not to be considered an endorsement, thereof. Know that to some, autism is an ‘unregulated business’. The content of this website material, digital or in any other form does not represent medical advice; nor does it constitute medical suggestions in any way. The material, including any downloadable parts, is for informational and/or educational purposes only. Your download and/or use of any of this material indicates your acceptance of this disclaimer.
This is a Personal Use Electronic Download. By downloading, you hereby agree and acknowledge that you are not acquiring any right, title or interest in, or to, the material; nor any associated copyrights, other than the right to possess, hold and use for personal, non-commercial purposes. Furthermore, you agree that you will: (i) not scan, copy, duplicate, distribute or otherwise reproduce the material(s) to resell, (ii) not use the material(s) for any commercial purposes. By purchasing/downloading you agree to these terms unconditionally. No ‘rights’ are given or transferred.
While other fathers of children with Autism may find that their parenting skills are not nearly as successful with their autistic child, as they had hoped.
There are some reasons fathers may feel unsuccessful, or even marginalized when it comes to parenting their child with autism.
Rafferty, D., Tidman, L., et al. (2020) report that fathers have more challenges parenting children with autism than neuro-typical children. Some of the difficulties found were getting past the fact that their child does not match-up with the pre-birth expectations. While some fathers are experiencing stress because the quality of the parenting of an autistic child does not equal that of parenting their neuro-typical children. Fathers in this study also found that co-parenting was more difficult after the ASD child’s diagnosis. As a result of this report, it was recommended that ASD fathers find local parent-focused programs to help them deal with their unique experiences.
< My Thoughts > “…unique experiences.”
The wide range, severity, and unique combination of symptoms make the autism in each child look different. Plus, a variety of interests, behaviors, learning, and communication styles can make each individual with autism have very divergent behaviors. Some persons with autism need very little support in most areas of their daily lives, while others need continual support in many, or all areas.
Rudelli, N., Straccia, C., et al. (2021) feel that fathers in their study needed to have family support to achieve their own perception of caregiving satisfaction. And fathers feeling a lack of support by others, said that those negative feelings added to their caregiving burden.
A lot of the father’s feelings depended upon the severity of their child’s challenging behavior and how these fathers were allowed to handle it. In this 2021 study’s Swiss culture, when co-parenting, mothers are considered the main caregiver ‘gatekeepers’ of their children’s discipline, education, and social activities. Thus, the strength of a father’s role in the co-parenting often determined his perception of his own self-efficacy and attitude towards parenting.
< My Thoughts > “…perception of his own self-efficacy…”
The degree of the father’s caregiving ‘burden’ in this study depended greatly on the perception of their ability to have a continually positive impact on their child’s well-being, motivation, and behavior. Also, it seems that 'fathers' often felt co-parenting was not handled equally between parents.
Fathers’ may seek to find online support groups with many organizations. One group is Association for Autism & Neurodiversity (AANE). For more information go to – https://www.aane.org/
Seeking support, by networking through social media for online and in-person parent support groups, can bring help to families of children with autism. Support can come from reaching out to others without autism in their life. For a brief time, each week, help can come from focusing on pursuit of one's favorite passion; or, by volunteering with friends in the community.
Note: For further information on ‘Support’ go to MENU – Know Autism, Know Your Child with < My Thoughts > by Sara Luker. Read under UNIT 6 – Where To Look for Resources? Chapter 1 Networking & Support APPENDIX A Autism Network (AANE).
Many fathers who have gone before you are here to help, support, and inform you. Check online for Father’s Groups in your area. Also, you will find the following book titles, in alphabetical order, written by an Autism 'Father' who shares his wisdom and triumphs in story form; on my website's Extended Book Reviews ~
101 Tips for the Parents of Boys with Autism (2015) by Ken Siri.
1,001 Tips for the Parents of Autistic Boys (2010)by Ken Siri.
It’s not your fault your child has autism. It never was…and it never will be. Parents of autistic children need to adopt the mentalities of both a researcher and a warrior. As both general and soldier in this fight, you must take ownership of all aspects of treatment, education, therapy, and organization as if preparing for battle. As a warrior, you will experience the stress that accompanies battle. Battling autism can leave one feeling devastated and alone. You will need help and support along the way.
< My Thoughts > “Battling autism…”
Fathers who find themselves 'battling' autism, also embrace the warrior role as their child’s provider, protector, and playmate. Stay the course and lead the way.
3500: An Autistic Boy’s Ten-Year Romance with Snow White (2013) by Ron Miles.
Ben’s first big vocal breakthrough was through was thanks to his love of Disney music. I would sing Disney to him constantly. We were out one day, sitting next to each other on a bench.
From his favorite song “Bare Necessities” I sang “Look for the…” and for some reason, I hesitated for a moment. I continued with “…necessities, forget about your worries…”
Out of the blue, Ben said “prsch.” Was he trying to say “bear?”
In his seven years, I had never heard him attempt to speak an actual word, but there it was. Oh my God, he was actually talking.
< My Thoughts > “…but there it was.”
A child with autism is full of surprises. There is a child beneath the autism. Even with years of motherhood and teaching, I can still be wonderfully surprised by breakthrough moments. Celebrate those moments!
A Real Boy: How Autism Shattered Our Lives & Made a Family from the Pieces (2011) by Christopher Stevens & Nicola Stevens.
David’s case was on hold. We’d dragged him through the diagnosis because the doctors agreed the best long-term hopes lay in ‘early intervention’; now the council was dodging its responsibility to help him.
At the end of the first term, I was driving David home from Music Space school when the nursery-rhyme tape ended. Before I could flick it over, a clear, high voice sang, “In the bad, bad lands of Australia!’
I called Nicky at the office. I’d just heard our son’s first words. Some little boys say Dada’ … David had launched into a music-hall number about a faulty boomerang.
< My Thoughts > “…a clear, high voice…”
It was always there, that clear, high voice. At the right moment, when the planets are aligned, you too will have that ‘first’ moment you’ve been waiting for.
Autism: Triplet Twist (2013) by James Potvin.
What is it really like living with triplets? Have you ever wanted to escape your life for a few minutes? What if you could escape to somewhere without leaving your own house? I needed to find a quick escape from the daily estrogen, drama and screaming. Where could I go?
I decided to use the unfinished space in the basement for my personal escape, exercise, comfort, and entertainment. A personally designed man cave of course!
< My Thoughts > “Where could I go?”
To your ‘man cave’, of course. This father created a safe haven for himself. A place to restore his strength. A personal space to regain, reflect, and respect himself. No girl triplets allowed.
Autism: Turning On the Light (2013) by Keith Ambersley.
I had so many of my own dreams all lined up and ready to go for my son. Fate has changed that. My gift to my son is to support his dream wherever it takes him. This is the only dream that counts.
Wherever his dream takes him, we are right there in his corner to support and encourage him on his journey, to enable him to pursue areas of interest not yet known to us.
We find ourselves helping each other in so many different ways. He helps me to think outside the box for creative solutions to help him navigate the basic fundamentals of communication and social behavior, which I have taken for granted all my life.
< My Thoughts > “…dream that counts.”
'His is the only dream that counts'. This father’s sacrifice of his own ‘dream’ child, to a child who becomes all he can be, shining in the light.
Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time (2003) by Mark Haddon.
They asked me if I had any family. I said I did. They asked me who my family was. I said it was Father.
Next month I’m going to take my A-level in Maths and I’m going to get an A grade. After I’ve taken A-level Maths I am going to take A-level Further Maths and Physics and then I can go to university.
Then when I’ve got a degree in Maths, I will be able to get a job and earn lots of money and I will be able to pay someone who can look after me and cook my meals and wash my clothes, or I will get a lady to marry me and be my wife and she can look after me so I can have company and not be on my own.
< My Thoughts > “…not be on my own.”
Christopher was not on his own. He was with his 'Father'. His father looked after him, cooked his meals, washed his clothes, and was his whole family.
Secondhand Autism (2013) by Paul Brodie.
I hate autism because, in my limited perspective, it seems to prevent Scott from having and experiencing things that I think he should get to have; things that I have experienced and am grateful for.
Eye contact can be rare or empty with autistic children. Sometimes it was just him telling me he was frustrated or angry. Other times it was much more spiritual and I felt like he was searching my soul with his gaze. I always felt like I had a special connection with Scott, more than by other siblings.
< My Thoughts > “…I have experienced and am grateful for.”
Those moments, however fleeting when he felt like Scott was searching, reaching out from his world into his brother Paul’s. Precious times when that connection is so strong, unforgettable, and worth a thousand moments of fear and regret. Paul, because of autism, became a ‘father figure’ to his sibling Scott.
The Horse Boy (2009) & The Long Ride Home (2015) by Rupert Isaacson.
April 2004 my son, Rowan, was diagnosed with autism. The feeling was like being hit across the face with a baseball bat.
Grief, shame – this weird, irrational shame, as if I had somehow cursed this child by giving him my faulty genes, condemned him to a lifetime of living as an alien because of me.
…Of watching, horrified, as he began to drift away to another place, separated from me as if by thick glass, or the see-through barrier of dream.
Years later, standing in the front field with Betsy saddled and ready for us to go on our daily ride together. “Ride Betsy by myself!” Today Rowan wanted to ride by himself right away. He had never asked for this before. “Okay,” I said nervously, casting an eye around the small
pasture. It had been like this since we’d got back from Africa. He was more adventurous, trying new things. He was just more ‘awake’ somehow.
< My Thoughts > “…more ‘awake’ somehow…”
For a moment, you may think it is your imagination. You have waited so long that you are afraid to believe what you are seeing or hearing. The years of love and devotion have not been in vain. It may not be June, but this is your Father’s Day.
REFERENCES:
Rafferty, D., Tidman, L., et al. (2020). Parenting experiences of fathers of children with autism spectrum disorder; with or without intellectual disability. Journal of Intellectual Disability Research; Vol. 64(6), pgs. 463-474.
Rudelli, N., Straccia, C., et al. (2021). Fathers of children with autism spectrum disorder: Their perceptions of paternal role a predictor of caregiving satisfaction, self-efficacy & burden. Research In Autism Spectrum Disorder, Vol. 83.
End of excerpts from Extended Reviews. Go to website MENU to find full Extended Reviews.
Fathers, please take time to KNOW AUTISM, KNOW YOUR CHILD with < My Thoughts > by Sara Luker, a FREE ASD website supplemental text written to help parents, educators, and clinicians see the child, student, and patient beyond the autism.
Thank you so much for sharing, commenting, and 'liking' on Facebook!
Regards,
Sara Luker
DISCLAIMER Know Autism – Know Your Child: with < My Thoughts > by Sara Luker
Just to let you know that I, Sara Hayden Luker, have put forth my best efforts in presenting what I have learned about autism, by sharing the stories and studies of those who have gone before us. Any author’s mention of products, services, treatments, and interventions or actions are not to be considered an endorsement, thereof. Know that to some, autism is an ‘unregulated business’. The content of this website material, digital or in any other form does not represent medical advice; nor does it constitute medical suggestions in any way. The material, including any downloadable parts, is for informational and/or educational purposes only. Your download and/or use of any of this material indicates your acceptance of this disclaimer.
This is a Personal Use Electronic Download. By downloading, you hereby agree and acknowledge that you are not acquiring any right, title or interest in, or to, the material; nor any associated copyrights, other than the right to possess, hold and use for personal, non-commercial purposes. Furthermore, you agree that you will: (i) not scan, copy, duplicate, distribute or otherwise reproduce the material(s) to resell, (ii) not use the material(s) for any commercial purposes. By purchasing/downloading you agree to these terms unconditionally. No ‘rights’ are given or transferred.
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