Secondhand Autism by Paul Brodie, eBook 2013; with < My Thoughts > by Sara Luker
Excerpts from the book – (5% indicates location in the Kindle version of the book, instead of page numbers).
< Excerpts from my Extended Book Review of Paul Brodie’s book. >
Brodie, P. (2013) 5% This is my experience and understanding of a major influencing aspect of my life, through my own lens of perspective, presented as such.
Secondhand autism, as a phrase, incorporates the negative connotation of secondhand smoke with my struggle in relating to autism and represents my experience, personal and observed, with what autism does to the family members of the individual with the diagnosis.
3% Secondhand autism, just like autism itself, is a unique condition, sometimes at odds with itself. Although autism is unique to an individual the effects reach parents and siblings without prejudice.
Green, L. (2013) says “a child with autism within a family unit presents a unique set of circumstances for the siblings to navigate. A lot depends on whether or not there is a strong family system. Autism is frustrating and siblings are sometimes affected in either a positive or negative way.”
Brodie, P. (2013) My siblings are: Laura (33 years), Paul (Me, 31 years, author of this book), John (29 years), Scott (25 years), Alison (23 years) and Shannon (14 years).
Paul 23% Scott could not be autistic on his own. Our family has all been autistic with him.
67% Every child needs to think they are their parent’s first priority once in awhile, I think. With Scott, every one of us knew he was first priority, and we would never be able to feel like we came first… I think it makes you a better person in some ways.
< My Thoughts > “I think it makes you a better person in some ways.”
Psychologists say that children learn how to ‘parent’ from watching themselves and their siblings being parented. Playing into each family member’s perspective is their own temperament and personality. Some of us are just naturally more needy, even co-dependent. While others of us can compartmentalize, staying flexible, and resilient to daily stress.
Sicile-Kira, C. (2014) says, “On the positive side, many siblings develop a maturity and sense of responsibility greater than that of their peers, take pride in the accomplishments of their brother or sister, and develop a strong sense of loyalty,”
Brodie, P. (2013) Alison (Scott’s sister Alison’s perspective) 67% One time…Scott seemed agitated and wanted something from the fridge. I walked by and saw so I stopped to open it for him. I was having difficulty with the combination lock… so he suddenly pushed me towards the fridge, really hard. I think that was the moment I realized Scott had the temper of a toddler, but the strength of a man…
< My Thoughts > “I realized Scott had the temper of a toddler, but the strength of a man…”
As our Sonny becomes older and stronger, he also becomes more determined, crafty, and focused on his “I want it, and I want it now” behavior. Safety of anyone perceived to be standing in his way could be in danger.
Green, L. (2013), “Siblings eventually develop awareness that the individual with ASD is often unable to control their behavior, resulting in some forbearance on the part of the sibling.” Eventually they realize that they are unable to control an unwanted behavior…” Resulting in the sibling feeling unsafe and anxious when left alone with them.
Brodie, P. (2013) 78% Another early memory was at school standing in line with my best friend, Jeff… I recall telling him that my brother was autistic. He said something to the effect of, “That’s cool, so he can draw really well or something?” I said, “Autistic, not artistic.” And this began my life of trying to understand autism and explain it to others.
79% …Being in public was extremely difficult for me because I had irrational thoughts and fears of attention. This made it extremely difficult for me to take Scott anywhere, just me and him, or to be with him at all in public as he often invited attention.
Thankfully, I’ve been able to work through the anxiety pretty well for myself, but even now, at 31…I still feel anxious thinking about taking Scott somewhere by myself.
< My Thoughts > “I still feel anxious thinking about taking Scott somewhere by myself.”
Hypervigilance is necessary when engaging with a person with autism, especially when they have periods of ‘hyper-activity. We are constantly assessing how our Sonny is doing, in all settings. On a good day, he seems to be enjoying himself and us. But, on those not so good days, he is most likely to express unwanted behavior. It is important to remember that he is not just trying to give us a bad time; he’s having a bad time.
Green, L. (2013), “Siblings experience empathy, sympathy, fear, anxiety, and social isolation. They also become frightened of the child’s abnormal behavior, but this is usually overcome by a strong sense of responsibility and feeling obligated to help their parents, and to protect the individual with autism.”
< End of excerpts from my Extended Book Review of Paul Brodie’s book. >
My regards to Paul Brodie for writing such an insightful book. Please read and share. Find my Extended Book Review and a link to purchase the book on MENU under, Secondhand Autism www.sarasautismsite.com
Sara Luker
References:
Green, L. (2013). The Well-Being of Siblings of Individuals with Autism; ISRN Neurology; Vol 2013; Art. 417194.
Sicile-Kira, C. (2014). Autism Spectrum Disorder (revised): The Complete Guide to Understanding Autism; New York, New York: Penguin Random House Company.